The foreshadowing here is so blatant. They need to make it more subtle, have it blend in with the description.

Uh... Huh.

This trick here, on the other hand, is far too hard to understand. There aren't enough hints for the reader to figure it out themselves.

That's not really fair play.

Guh......

The prose is still amateurish in general. The same expressions repeat too much. It gets boring.

And this...

And that...

And here...